A close friend asked me a question today. “What do you think Christian community means?” I thought for a moment, and then responded by describing a group of believers who are honest with each other, hold each other accountable, and encourage each other. My friend then began to share with me their own personal discovery of the immeasurable value of community, and how he arrived at this point. My friend told me about his ten-year struggle with a certain sin. No matter what he tried, no matter how much he pleaded with God to help him, complete victory was always out of reach. Only when he chose to create close, open relationships with other believers did he feel valued and experience the consistent accountability he so desperately needed. While he spoke, my mind raced with possibilities. What could the sin be? Was he planning on telling me what it was? How would I react? And then it came. He told me that for ten years, he has been experiencing attraction to other men.
Wham. That particular struggle had never flitted across my mental list as I had scrambled to anticipate his next words. No suitable reply found its way to my lips; I could only silently internalize the revelation I had just heard. Years of Sunday School lessons and church ideology flooded my brain. Homosexuality is a sin. You can’t be a homosexual and be a Christian. At that moment, as I searched my ravaged mind for the truth, I realized with a jolt that my beliefs regarding homosexual tendencies were completely inaccurate and had been for years. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized how judgmental I was – how many inaccurate assumptions I had cultivated throughout my life with very little thought. Only recently had I second-guessed what I had learned as a child, but now there was no time for questions. I needed answers.
“Homosexuality is a sin.” Yes. Performing homosexual acts is a sin. Heterosexual intercourse outside of marriage is also a sin. Self-mutilation is a sin. Lying is a sin. Being prideful is a sin. All of these sins are equally damaging in the eyes of the Lord. Another friend had once explained it to me this way: Imagine someone struggling with extreme insecurity about their weight. Their self-esteem at zero, they hate the person they see in the mirror. Are these feelings they have sinful? No. These thoughts have been cultivated by the enemy in his attempt to cause this person to stumble. The thoughts are a form of temptation. Only when the insecurities develop into an eating disorder or self-harm does the person give in to temptation and fall into sin. No church-goer would ever say that a girl struggling with her self-esteem should be denied church involvement or even a leadership position. A man struggling with homosexual desires is no different.
“You can’t be a homosexual and be a Christian.” I hesitate to label this statement as true or false, simply because the answer depends on terminology usage. Let me offer an alternative question: Is it possible to be a follower of Christ and still struggle with homosexual tendencies? Friends, if you have any questions or doubts about the answer to this question, be assured that the answer is yes. Before my friend told me his struggle, my response to this question was hazy. The words I spoke made sense, but inside, I still had questions. Doubts. I didn’t understand. I wasn’t sure. But my friend’s confession pierced the truth straight into my heart: Some Christians struggle with homosexual desires, just as others struggle with heterosexual lust or eating disorders. There is no doubt in my mind that my friend has wholly committed his life to Jesus Christ. I have discussed Bible passages with him and been blessed by his insight. We have worked side by side at our church serving together. We have sat and talked together for hours about every imaginable subject, including our personal testimonies and questions about God. My friend is wise, passionate about ministry, and loves Christ with all of his heart.
By the world’s standards, my friend is gay. By church standards, my friend is a sinner. But by God’s standard, my friend is redeemed. He is a son of the Most High, just as much as I. It is likely that his intimate reliance on Jesus Christ lies at a deeper level than mine because of his struggle. He has been forced to wrestle with thoughts that I have never experienced and as a result has experienced God’s love in a way that I will never comprehend. And so I return to the opening topic: community. What good is Christian community if we do not share our deepest struggles with one another? How can we share the multi-faceted love of Jesus Christ without describing the journey we took to discover such love? And how can we hold each other accountable and encourage each other without knowing what to talk about?
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” -Galatians 6:1-2
- H.W.
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