Oh hey, blog. How've you been?

Now that life has calmed down a little bit, I decided to start blogging again.

Ha! Not so.

I'm beginning to realize that the business of life only slows down if you make a conscious effort to slow yourself down. Since my last post, my life has changed dramatically. Last time we talked, I was a passionate senior college student put out about how my university handled changes on campus. I was single, living in small-town Cedarville, Ohio, and spent my time striving for a 4.0 mug and hanging out with my friends as much as I could before graduation. Since then, I've gotten married, lived in 3 states, have started (and quit) my first full-time job, and raised the most adorable puppy you'll ever meet. My priorities, emotions, and even last name have all changed, and my personality has probably changed a little bit too. I forget 90% of the stuff I learned in organic chemistry, but I can tell you plenty of things about health insurance, cooking, and laundry. Change is inevitable. But I'm still me.

God has taught me recently (and ironically) that He will never stop teaching me. Life is a constant flow of information and experiences rushing past. It is new every day, and much of what happens is completely outside our control. This is God's world; He has created us to exist within it. Over the past year, I careened from college student into adulthood at lightning speed. Not all the transitions went smoothly; I spent many hours anxious, depressed, angry, or worried. However, I am learning and relearning day by day that God is the Sustainer, Provider, and in all honesty, the One who makes life worth living. This isn't my most eloquent post to date (plus it's mostly me talking about me, which I try not to do), but the point is this: You can't do life well without Christ. It won't happen. Yes, you're busy. We're all busy. But slow down and make time for Christ. Take time daily to meditate on the Lord and what he desires for your life. I know I need to reprioritize a few things - how about you?

Cedarville, It's Time to Step Up.

If you’ve come to this blog post looking for answers, please realize that you will not find them here. Neither will you find gossip or slander of those making the decisions we are all wondering about. Rather, you will discover conglomerations of concerns, pleas for truth, and paths to action.

The recent changes at Cedarville, most recently the unexpected resignation of Dr. Carl Ruby, confuse and concern me.  A great number of students share my sentiment, for I cannot think of any Cedarville staff member more present and personally involved in students’ lives than Dr. Ruby. What staff member at any university would choose to stay up all night making cinnamon rolls just to provide a happy tradition and morning pick-me-up for students to look forward to? Such token memories of Dr. Ruby, together with the deep impact of programs and speakers he has brought to Cedarville, provide only a faint glimmer of the joy and dedication in his heart to Christ and to the students of Cedarville.

Although I have held only a handful of personal conversations with Dr. Ruby, tears come to my eyes when I imagine this incredible man of God packing his things and preparing to leave the place where he has invested years of his life. I fear for a university who tells men like Carl Ruby, who has served as a Christ-like model for the past twenty-five years, that they are neither wanted nor needed. I will not pretend to know the details behind his resignation, but neither will I pretend that asking such questions is unimportant. The deafening silence from administration causes students, faculty, and staff to assume the worst. Over the last four years, professors at this very university have taught me critical thinking skills that now push me to beg for answers. However, these answers will not come easily. They will only come if the student body as a whole cares just as much as I do. Are you listening?

The larger issue at stake is as follows. What is happening to Cedarville? Dr. Ruby’s apparent dismissal brings a new facet to the uncomfortable events that took place last semester involving the White Papers, Dr. Pahl’s dismissal, Dr. Brown’s resignation, and the proposed rejection or cancellation of certain programs that would engage critical thinking in light of Christ’s atonement (theology, philosophy). I now address current students and alumni of Cedarville:   We have nothing to lose for asking questions.   Faculty and staff risk their jobs for speaking out of turn and asking too many difficult policy questions. It is our place to challenge our brothers and sisters in Christ who have been charged with the immense responsibility of steering this university in the right direction. It is time to grow up and act like the young Christian adults we have become, and not shrug our shoulders and say, “Someone else should do it.” As the heart and soul of Cedarville University, we students must think critically, act humbly, and speak enthusiastically in favor of making Christ the center of Cedarville. Defend Dr. Ruby as you would defend a brother, and encourage others not to bow to pressure or cynicism but to stand up for what is right. It only takes a minute to express your concerns in writing to those in leadership. In fact, they have encouraged us to do so. Students, step up.

Contact information for the trustees and other members of administration can be found here. Take a minute to send an e-mail or two, or seventeen.  Ask about Dr. Ruby, the direction of the university, the philosophy major, or whatever other concerns you have. Don’t just Facebook your frustrations. Don’t just tweet ambiguous questions. Bring it to the source. Together, we may actually get some answers.

Cedarville: A Tribute to Dr. Brown, and some other necessary discussion.

It's getting cold here at Cedarville. And despite the gusty winds and piercing horizontal snowfall courtesy of Hurricane Sandy, I'm not just talking about the weather.

Yesterday during chapel, Dr. William Brown announced that he is stepping down from his position as President of Cedarville University at the end of the current school year. Dr. Brown has been Cedarville's president for ten years and the university undoubtedly will undergo significant change following his departure. I will be among the last to shake his hand at graduation, and will be thinking about my four years as a student where I have heard him speak in countless chapels and have even had the opportunity to interact with him on a personal level at scholarship banquets. Dr. Brown is a desirable figurehead for any institution, and not just because of his eternally flawless head of hair. He represents himself well in every setting, and even more significantly, he represents Christ well. His sincerity, generosity, intelligence, and wits make every conversation enlightening, encouraging, and memorable. Dr. Brown has promised to remain at Cedarville for at least one additional year as chancellor, but the fact remains that Cedarville will miss Dr. Brown and his leadership.

However, Dr. Brown's sudden announcement has triggered uproar in many students and alumni following the saga of the white papers and Dr. Pahl's dismissal. For those of you unaware of these events, Christianity Today published an article yesterday (coincidence?) describing the incident. In addition, here is the meat of Cedarville's official statement:

"Dr. Michael Pahl has been relieved of his teaching duties because he is unable to concur fully with each and every position of Cedarville University's doctrinal statement.  This decision was made following a review by the University administration and trustees prompted by Dr. Pahl's recent book, The Beginning and the End:  Rereading Genesis's Stories and Revelation's Visions.

Dr. Pahl's orthodoxy and commitment to the gospel are not in question, nor is his commitment to Scripture's inspiration, authority and infallibility.  He is a promising scholar and a dedicated teacher, and he will be missed by his colleagues and students.  Nevertheless, the University has determined this decision to be in the best interests of its constituency at this time."

The white papers I mentioned above are lengthy amendments to the already cumbersome doctrinal statement, written not by Cedarville Bible scholars but by one administrative representative. They are poorly written and include alarmingly narrow specifications of belief that not every faculty member, including tenured Bible professors, agrees with. The white papers, along with other recent events, have raised concern from students, faculty, and alumni for the future of Cedarville University. Solemn faces, nervous laughter, and choice vocabulary have crept into the Center for Biblical and Theological Studies, creating an air of uncertainty and unspoken worries. For if Dr. Pahl can be dismissed on such subjective grounds, no one is safe. 

And now, today's big question: Does Dr. Brown's resignation decision have anything to do with Dr. Pahl and the media attention given to his dismissal? Are the shadowy fingers that plucked Dr. Pahl from his position at Cedarville the same fingers on Dr. Brown's back as he walks about the door? The answer is that we will likely never know, and thus have no grounds to make assumptions or claims in such a direction. However, the truth is that many people responsible for Dr. Pahl's dismissal will also be responsible for selecting the new president of Cedarville University. Many have expressed concerns over the past few years about Cedarville's "identity crisis," and the selection of a new president will finally make the identity clear. What will it be? Will Cedarville be fundamentalist, or will it be evangelical? Is our goal to uphold the convictions of the previous generation, or move forward and become open to accepting diverse theological backgrounds? Will we be a Bob Jones, or a Wheaton? Or somewhere in between?

In reality, the body of Christ as a whole has been fragmented and broken by generations of Christians who neglected to keep Jesus Christ at the center. This fragmentation is the reason Cedarville has found itself in the midst of scandal, intolerance, and fear. Some of the Christians at Cedarville have forgotten how to love. They have forgotten the Biblical instructions for confronting one another. They have forgotten Christ, and have replaced him with doctrinal correctness and upright appearances. I feel comfortable saying that a fragmented, inconsistent identity is not what anyone at Cedarville desires. How then do we become unified? The answer is Christ.

I challenge Dr. Brown and other faculty to talk openly about what has happened - not necessarily to the public, but to the parties involved. I challenge students and alumni to commit to prayer rather than gossip. We will not make any progress through slanderous discussions, for unity in Jesus Christ is our only hope. I challenge everyone who claims the name of Jesus to take every thought captive to Christ and check every action against Scripture. The popularity of an opinion does not make it right, even among Christians.

Prayer is vital, for most of us do not have any direct influence on the men and women responsible for what happens next. Prayer is even more vital for those who do have direct influence, for only righteous actions will create a positive change. Christ has given us all the power to influence through the Holy Spirit and prayer, yet we often push this, our most valuable resource, to the back burner. We must quench our power-hungry, vindictive natures and become humble. For resolution, we must all come and kneel at the cross together. We have no choice.

OneVoice, OneVoice, OneVoice!

What did I do this weekend? 

This weekend, I spent thirty hours rehearsing/shopping/eating/performing with the Cedarville University OneVoice Gospel Choir Ensemble and Band (#oveab, or simply stated, ensemble). OneVoice has been a part of my Cedarville experience since sophomore year, and has taken me to Nashville, D.C., Cleveland, and even across the globe to Australia. Every event brings new experiences, new exposures, new joys, and new struggles. The past three days encompassed the 2013 OneVoice Ensemble "Retreat," basically meaning that our lives belong to Justin (our director) for the extent of that time. Over half of the members of the ensemble and band members are new to the group, which means that we have a lot of music to teach and lot of lessons to learn.

I am SO EXCITED about this year! Here are some of the lessons learned this weekend:

1. We never check to make sure the entire group is present before departing for our next destination. If you want to save yourself from panic and/or embarrassment, be on time to meeting spots. Otherwise, you will be left behind.

2. Preachers can be unpredictable. Don't panic if they mention ******* or ******* during their sermon. Just go with the flow. Be #openminded.

3. We will never, EVER play the set list through exactly as planned. Ever. We will also frequently play songs that we have never rehearsed. Again, don't panic. Go with the flow.

4. If Justin calls you out to sing a solo during a song you've only heard a few times, it might not be pretty - especially if you only have five seconds notice. But that doesn't really matter, because it happens to everyone.

5. Plum and lavender DO NOT count as purple, despite their prominent positions on either end of the purple portion of the color palette. (Are you proud of my prominent placement of purple-y alliteration?) But if you decide to wear plum or lavender to a concert, chances are no one will care.

6. Fast food becomes not-so-fast food when twenty-six people all order food on the same bill.  Be patient, don't grab what's not yours, and please don't crowd the counter if thirteen people are already standing there. Be extra kind and gracious to the nice people working at McDonald's - we stress them out enough as it is. 

7. Get LOTS of rest before OneVoice concerts, especially weekends out. Because once you're there, you will expend approximately 5.2 times more calories than you would on a normal day. And you will not sleep.

Despite (and partly because of) all these things, I love OneVoice!!! I love the freeing atmosphere that appears every time the music beings to fill the room. I love laughing with and learning from one another.  The group dynamic is different every year, because every person brings their own unique twist. Basically, I'm super pumped to see where we go from here. God is going to do great things!!! We just have to show up and serve.

Last year's touring group! I miss these guys :)

How to Become a Christian

Strange things happen when you mix Google with mindless internet browsing. Out of mere curiosity, I began typing phrases into the search bar to see what popular searches would appear in the drop down box below. 

For example...

In contrast...

But then I typed "how does one..." into the box. The top search was, "how does one become a believer in Jesus Christ," right before "how does one tree hill end" and "how does one get shingles." Now, if more people are asking about Jesus than One Tree Hill... doesn't that deserve an answer?

I clicked on the first link. To my amused disappointment, I was taken to an "about.com" page with an explanation of the gospel and six easy steps to becoming a Christian. To be fair, the woman who wrote the article used ample Biblical support and stated her doctrine clearly. But I hate it when people emphasize that becoming a Christian is easy. The last step cited on the webpage is "Tell someone about your decision," followed by Romans 10:9... "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

Now, in chapel this morning, the speaker spent several minutes on this verse. He stated (and I agree) that the emphasis here is not on "confessing with your mouth," but rather on "Jesus is LORD." Confessing Jesus as Lord means that you vow to give your entire life - mind, soul, and body, to Jesus Christ. You vow that everything you do will be for Him alone. Everything. That's hard, not easy. Living the Christian life is hard.

So, if being a Christian is hard, why become one in the first place? The answer is twofold. The first reason? God created and loves human beings, and sent his Son Jesus die a horrible death in order to take the punishment we deserve. When we accept Christ, we are able to talk to the all-powerful, loving, merciful God who rules the universe. Our lives gain new meaning, and we have the opportunity to carry out His will on earth and spend eternity with Him in heaven (I talk about this reason more in my previous post, "The Story of Love... and the Throne.") 

The second reason to become a Christian is simply this: The Bible is true. According to the Biblical gospel, human beings are wretched, sinful creatures in desperate need of a rescuer to save us from the wrath of a perfect God. Jesus Christ is that rescuer, and there is no other way to life except through Him. Period. The Bible unarguably insists Jesus is the only way to reach God, and no other religion accepts Jesus as Lord. Culture today says that all religions are equal. "You can have your religion, and I will have mine," they say. "There probably is no God or afterlife, but if there is, any belief system will do the trick." Hear me when I say that this is absolutely untrue. Invalid. Incorrect. Wrong. A piece of crap. A total lie. Not all religions lead to God. You can call me intolerant, but the reason I make this claim is because I will not stand idly by and watch kind, loving human beings unknowingly walk down the path to hell. I stand by truth.

True. Have we lost the meaning of truth? I pray not. Because the truth is that living the Christian life isn't easy. The Christian life is not summed up in a thirty second prayer. Yes, a person can become a Christian with a sincere declaration that Jesus is LORD. But true belief underlies action, and therefore without action, our faith is not sincere. God requires more than thirty seconds of our time; He requires our entire existence to be dedicated to Him. So why choose Christ? Because He loves us, and He is the only chance we have to make it.

The Story of the Love... and the Throne

God spoke to me at church on Sunday. He did so intellectually through a message, and then emotionally through a song. The song is one I know well, a hymn entitled "Before the Throne of God Above." The lyrics are posted here. I encourage you to read them. Read them slowly, and as you read, create a picture in your mind of what the words describe. I have sung this song countless times over the years, but never did I pay close enough attention that I truly grasped their meaning. I pray that today, you will pay attention and learn something about Jesus Christ, our Lord who intercedes for us.

Before the throne of God above, 

I have a strong and perfect plea. 

A great high priest whose name is Love,

who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands.

My name is written on His heart.

I know that while in heaven He stands,

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,

and tells me of the guilt within,

upwards I look and see Him there,

who made an end of all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died,

my sinful soul is counted free.

For God the just is satisfied

to look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there - the Risen Lamb

My perfect spotless righteousness

The great unchangeable I Am

The King of glory and of grace

One with Himself, I cannot die

My soul is purchased by His blood

My life is hidden with Christ on High

With Christ, my Savior and my God.

In case you skimmed or completely skipped over the lyrics to see what else I wrote (even though I told you not to), maybe this  paraphrase/elaboration will make real. Because it is real... very real.

Here you are, standing in the throne room of the perfect and holy God. It is judgment day, and you shake with fear knowing that you are guilty beyond reprimand. But into the room walks a man, who somehow appears just as radiant as the judge sitting on the throne. His name is Love. Amidst your fear you notice that on his hands, there are scars stained with blood, and with a shock, you see that the blood spells out the letters of your own name. He looks into your eyes and all your fear vanishes, because you can feel the immense power of Love all around you. He steps between you God, and you know that while Love is there, no harm will come to you.

Now you are back in your bedroom. You think about your recently cleared browser history, the carefully hidden liquor bottle in our closet, or the hateful text message you just sent to the girl who used to be your best friend. You have never felt guilt like this before... you will never be strong enough to obey God. You are a wretched and pitiful creature doomed to failure. Suddenly, you feel compelled to open your Bible and it falls open to the story of the cross, where Jesus Christ took the punishment for your sin. You realize that the man called Love whom you met in the courtroom gave his life for you, and that his death satisfied the wrath of the judge sitting on the throne. Because of Love's sacrifice, God has already pardoned you.

Love... how can you understand Love like this? You gaze upon His face, awestruck by his radiant perfection. He will never change, never run out of glory, and never withhold grace. He is the very definition of glory and of grace. As you marvel, He reaches out and places you on a throne. A throne? How is it that you, the defendant in what was sure to be an unfriendly trial, have been seated on a throne next to Love? Because when Love died, Love bought you. He bought your life with His.

Will you choose to step off the throne and go back to your computer, back to the bottle, or back to just being angry inside? Or will you choose to live in Love, sitting on a throne as His adopted son or daughter? You cannot choose to live in both places. Will you make Him your Lord?

My Identity

April 5, 2012

I've done a really great job this week feeling like a failure. Nothing too major, but moments keep happening when I become extremely disappointed in myself. It all started this past weekend on choir tour when I felt uncontrollably upset about a situation that, frankly, I couldn't do anything about. During my attempts to explain how I felt, I kept stumbling over my words and saying things that I didn't mean. And later, during my fits of trying to sleep on the floor in a freezing cold room, I remembered that I had failed to put in a sub request for the work shift I was going to miss the next day. Whoops. Also on the list of not-so-fine moments this week have been the time where I watched Hulu instead of writing a paper, neglected to practice piano for the fifth day in a row, and pushed the wrong buttons on the washing machine thereby sending my hopefully-not-so-delicate sweaters and things to a warm water wonderland. For (hopefully) the grand finale, I woke up a whopping two and a half hours late this morning. I slumbered straight through the time I was planning on using for a shower, breakafast, piano practicing time (to make up for all the days I missed), and I also missed my first half hour of work. How does that even happen? It usually doesn't happen to me. I didn't even stay up late last night.

This week, I am celebrating my second week of non-biology-education-major-ness. Because of all the classes I dropped, I only have eight credits to complete this semester. That's not even full-time student status. Yet somehow, I'm just as busy as ever. I keep wasting time. People keep telling me that it's okay to relax, but somehow I just can't believe that it's okay to take this much relaxation. I keep refusing to trust the people closest to me. And that makes me feel even worse.

I guess the reason that I feel so bad about all these little failues is because I expect a lot from myself. I have spent most of my life, especially my college life, working extremely hard. People always tell me how responsible I am, and how they appreciate the fact that I will complete any task I am given. Praise like that does great things for self-esteem and even better for motivation. But for me, it's pressure. And most of the pressure is self-inflicted. That's what I have trouble realizing. How much is too much? How much can I not do and it still be okay? Where is the line between relaxing and lazy?

So here I am, feeling like a screw-up... but inside, I know that I am still

August 21, 2012

...still what? Still a daughter of the King. Still chosen and loved by God. Still breathing only because of Christ's unending grace. Still alive in Jesus Christ. Still powered by the Holy Spirit of the Lord who dwells within me. That is who I am. And because of those things, I have joy. My identity lies not in my successes or my failures, but in my risen Savior who brought me out of death and saved me from myself, from a meaningless life, and from eternity in hell. And He has blessed me with the privilege to share my hope and my identity with others. Such a life could not be farther away from failure.